Youth Sports Enthusiast Gifts

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

You're Tracy Jensen? What of it? What happened to you? Last year, you were a sweet little 7-year-old on the girls' basketball team we sponsor. Not I'm an 8-year-old scoring 32 points a night and wondering where my @#$% hot chocolate is. Still sweet as all get up. Make it happen, runt.

'Soccer Mom's Diner.'

'Stop it! Stop it, you two! If you keep fighting about it, then neither one of you will get to be 'coach's bench buddy'...'

'Those young kids can hit the ball a mile!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"Your little league coach traded you?"

Knocked it out of the park

"I AM at my usual position."

Football Fans

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

The trauma of losing.

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Football Chameleon

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Monica Seles

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Gary turns 40.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

A day at the transgenic races