Youth Sports Enthusiasts Gifts

'They play five innings or until six parents fall asleep, whichever comes first.'

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

"I AM at my usual position."

The trauma of losing.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'To talk to men at their own level you have to talk a load of balls.'

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

David and Goliath.

'I don't even care about the score, catty. I just enjoy the long walk.'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

'Glen Hoddle employs faith healer' "Remember the days we only had a magic sponge?"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

NFL linebackers are identified in early infancy and sent away to the secret academy until puberty.

"I can't shake the feeling there's always someone looking over my shoulder."