Little League Superstar Gifts

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

We encourage the playing of games with other children.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

Brownie Points

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

Sportsmanship

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

"Tyler lost interest in baseball once he tried old-time boxing."

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

'Sorry, coach, but all of the bases are loaded.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'