Little League Champion Gifts

'That's baseball, kids. When you win, you eat ice cream, And when you lose, you watch the other team eat ice cream.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

Sportsmanship

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

Boy skating on lake, classmates giving scores.

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

Boy holding football.

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

"Tyler lost interest in baseball once he tried old-time boxing."

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"