Little League Champion Pillows

'That's baseball, kids. When you win, you eat ice cream, And when you lose, you watch the other team eat ice cream.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

Your counselor wants you to concentrate on one sport. Ok. Sports Camp. Which do you like best? Maybe baseball. Great. Or soccer or lacrosse. I'm proud of you, Teddy! You don't care about being the cool sports star! Ok. Then soccer.

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

Sportsmanship

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

Boy holding football.

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

Boy skating on lake, classmates giving scores.

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

"Tyler lost interest in baseball once he tried old-time boxing."

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'