Level-headed Punster Gifts

F&E Carpentry Supplies Mfg. All of these are off by several degrees. How could we be wrong on so many levels?!

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Hamlet.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

Optometrist practical jokes

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Mobile Holmes.

Surfin' the web.

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.