Clever Punster Gifts

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Dogs life

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Note Book

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Bitter End

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

Hamlet.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Optometrist practical jokes

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'