Playful Punster Gifts

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Surfin' the web.

"...18, 91, 20. Ready or not, here I come!"

"Heel."

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Boy says: 'A Shoe!' Girl Says: ' Bless you.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Keep Your End Up

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Tree house.

Note Book

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Tony can't come out to play now, he's on his orthodontopole!'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Bitter End

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Hamlet.

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Kissing Game