Peaceful Punster Gifts

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Hamlet.

'I think therefore I ham.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

"O.K., now can you make like a million little tiny ones?"

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

Kissing Game