Pious Punster Gifts

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"All we have left is standing room only."

Dogs life

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Bitter End

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

Optometrist practical jokes

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Kissing Game

Baby Grand Larceny

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'