Biblical Punster Gifts

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"All we have left is standing room only."

Dogs life

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

2B or not 2B

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Optometrist Humor

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

Optometrist practical jokes

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'Blasphemous? Christ no!'

'The frowsting bacchant kept his shelty vicinal.'