Divine Punsters Gifts

"No! It's lo! (as in behold) - not lol Laughing Out Loud!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Tequila Mockingbird

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Hamlet.

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"God lives in the eternal present. The gift that keeps on giving."

Optometrist practical jokes

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

"I'm thinking seven days and I'll do it in real time."

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

Fart. Le Poot.

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.