Divine Punsters Pillows

"No! It's lo! (as in behold) - not lol Laughing Out Loud!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

Tequila Mockingbird

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

Hamlet.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

Optometrist practical jokes

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"I'm thinking seven days and I'll do it in real time."

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Moses parts the sea causing Jesus, who is walking on water, to fall

Fart. Le Poot.

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.