Divine Punster Pillows

"All we have left is standing room only."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Dogs life

Note Book

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

Optometrist practical jokes

"I'm thinking seven days and I'll do it in real time."

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Baby Grand Larceny

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

'It's For You.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Wash and Let My People Go

Ass-tronauts.

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'