Divine Punster Pillows

"All we have left is standing room only."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Dogs life

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

Note Book

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Optometrist practical jokes

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

"I'm thinking seven days and I'll do it in real time."

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Baby Grand Larceny

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

Wash and Let My People Go

'It's For You.'

"I'm afraid you've got a serious case of polka dots."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Uh-Oh...

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

Ass-tronauts.