Angelic Punster Pillows

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"All we have left is standing room only."

K9 Literati

Dogs life

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"I have such strong feelers for you."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

2B or not 2B

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

"My new boyfriend is a golfer. . .he's very good with his putter!"

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"Go ahead and touch my light. It's made of boyfriend material."

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

Optometrist practical jokes