Ironic Punster Pillows

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

2B or not 2B

Bitter End

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

Hamlet.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

Optometrist practical jokes

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories