Pious Punster Pillows

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"All we have left is standing room only."

Dogs life

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Bitter End

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

Optometrist practical jokes

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Baby Grand Larceny

Kissing Game

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

Creation: The Snooker Theory

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

'Relax...I heard our opponents today are huge pussies.'