Religious Punster Pillows

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'The buck stops here'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

British savings accounts

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

Nun Binning the Devil

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Monks play conkers with crucifix

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.