Religious Punster Pillows

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'The buck stops here'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

British savings accounts

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Nun Binning the Devil

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

On - Undecided - Off switch

Political Science

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."