Religious Pun Master Pillows

'It's not stigmata but it might mean a win on the lottery!'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

Tinnitus.

Third eye

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"God lives in the eternal present. The gift that keeps on giving."

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

"Uh-oh!"

'Read about Samson & Delilah. . . Better yet - see a live demonstration.'

'Locusts?'

'..and in this corner, with a record of 25 wins, 7 draws, 18 losses, and 9 times beaten to a pulp...'

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

Moses parts the sea causing Jesus, who is walking on water, to fall

"Does he have bills to pay as well then..?"

Matthew, Mark, Luke and 'John'.

A cattle baron.

'Regarding my Sunday sermon which you typed up, Ms. Sims...it's not 'Saddam and Gomorrah'...'

'He did it for us.'

'The buck stops here'

24/7 th Heaven

"So, please, dig a little deeper and help us get rid of pop-up ads for good."

The last word in Alphabet Soup.

Discount Church Mart