Parable Punster Gifts

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I think you're ace

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bitter End

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

Mobile Holmes.

Surfin' the web.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Kissing Game

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies