Parable Punster Gifts

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I think you're ace

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

Hamlet.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

Surfin' the web.

Kissing Game

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies