Judicial Professional Gifts

"We got it on sale in IKEA!"

'Which one beats - a straight or a flush?'

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Gay Times...

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

If nobody had invented graphics

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

Barristers

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'