Justice System Professional Gifts

"Good news. Your execution was overturned on appeal."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

The Jose Padilla Experience

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

Old West Bounty Hunter.

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"Can you hear me now?"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

Bambridge on Trial for Murder.

'Well, now we know -- blaming the victim DOESN'T work.'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

He's under house arrest. Police Line. Do Not Cross.

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."