Judicial Professional Pillows

"We got it on sale in IKEA!"

'Which one beats - a straight or a flush?'

"I don't want to worry you while we wait for the jury to return a verdict, but we should have a quick chat about shivs and shanks."

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

If nobody had invented graphics

The Circular Logic of Fascism

Gay Times...

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

Barristers

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'