Legal Profession Pillows

Lawyer lists his billable hours on tombstone.

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

Lawyer Meditating over the Happy Thought of Billable Hours.

"It just happens...one day you wake up and you find that your best billable hours are behind you."

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Attorney: Busy, busy, busy.

'Lawyers to Avoid.' 'Need a lawyer? I'm low in cholesterol, have never been tested on lab animals and am 100 biodegradable.'

"The bad news is that your case is 100% indefensible...we'd be delighted to represent you."

"Well, so much for 'My solicitor will speak to your solicitor'."

Lawyers - Counsel Chapotard reading in a Law Journal an article by himself praising himself

'Have you read this, 66% of top lawyers come from the same few top schools and universities...'

"Called to the piano bar again, you naughty boy?"

'With these new speed signs keeping traffic moving, we're not getting half the litigation work from accidents that we did before.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

My solicitor is on a retainer, he's towed behind on a trolley.

'Watch your step, counselor; I can go from zero to bitch in 3.2 seconds.'

Attorneys At Law

'Would you like to see Mr Bastard or Mr Utter?'

'We had this one dyed especially for you, Your Honor.'

Law Firm of Kellog and Keith: Never An Ambulance Chaser.

The legal profession takes a downward plunge

Black & Blue: Personal Injury Attorneys

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'Nobody seems to bother me anymore since I won this.'

Lawyer to prisoner- It's stopped raining, I'll be going,

'Nothing personal, Zwilnik, but I'm suing you for the corner office.'

'He's just been named a super lawyer by the Bar Association.'

Solicitor Reading House Deeds

"Not all lawyers are blatant money grabbers, Mr. Parfitt, but I am."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

IN, IN OVER MY HEAD

"Fortunately, Mr. O'Brien, a sucker's attorney is born every half a minute."

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."