Courtroom Professionals Pillows

"So, before passing judgment, please consider that science now shows that the male brain is not fully developed until never."

"The visual aids budget is a little low."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We make crime pay."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

The annual running of the lawyers.

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

Attorney and killer bee.

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'Brain surgery, right?'