Job Application Gifts

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

"...and I'm proficient in two languages ? English and text messaging."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'You sure you've got Photoshop experiance.'

'Your Letter of Recommendation from the outlaw biker gang, the Devil's Serpents, was certainly complimentary...but it does raise other questions.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

'We're not looking for someone with good leadership qualities so much as we're looking for someone with good herding instincts.'

'We did a background check on this guy and he came up squeaky clean... just what is he trying to hide anyway?'

'Let's see, it says here that you've had a lot of corporate accounting experience...'

"I'm looking for one highly competitve sales representative"

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'Let's hear you talk the talk... can you say 'No' in Spanish, Russian, French, German, Chinese, Thai...?'

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

'Okay, that's enough of your work history.'

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

'It says here you were finance manager for your fellow inmates on cell block 3. This does raise other concerns.'

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'He may have a PhD in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

Woman applying for a job in the oil business.

'You're not what we hand in mind when we advertised for a new organist.'

'Good morning Mr. Jason. Apparently you're the only applicant to show up for the interview.'

'Three years in a mental hospital? That's good, because it helps to be a little crazy to work here.'

"As a company, and as individuals, we are without irony. Will that bother you?"

'Trubshaw, your application for the serious crime squad has been rejected!'

"I yam what I yam an' tha's all I yam!' What the hell kind of resume is that."

Qualifications

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"My greatest asset is my ability to tell you exactly what you want to hear."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.