Applying For A Job Gifts

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"Any other recommendations?"

"The position includes three weeks holiday per year."

Milton applies for a job as a video game tester.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a lesson to us all...stuff left on social networking sites can return to haunt you in later life."

"You know you could have just brought in written references?"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"No self-aggrandizement anywhere. And you call yourself an applicant?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'