New Job Application Gifts

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

"Do you have any questions apart from 'where did I get my jazzy tie'?"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Where your mind & battle are los

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'Let's not go by the book.'

Butterfly Woman

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

Others will fight for you

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

Work/Life Balance

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."