New Job Search Gifts

'I'll be conducting the final phase of your job interview I've heard a lot of good things about you!' ('Must maintain eye contact..')

Job centre - casual jobs; rotten, insecure low-paid jobs;dull, boring, repetitive jobs; Jobs that no-one in their right mind would consider.

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

'I saw on the job description it said, 'You'll do what I tell you to do and like it.' Could you be more specific?'

"I've always been extremely passionate about not starving to death."

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'What else can you do?'

"The sort of person we are looking for is someone who will work his socks off for very little in return. Are you that sort of person?"

'This is a very impressive resume. Did you pad it yourself.'

'I forgot to ask her employment history -- I got bogged won in 'distinguishing personal characteristics.''

'I've spent 45 years studying the Universe, and I think it's time I moved on to something else.'

Job Hunting is a full-time job.

Job Interview

"We can hire you, but you'll begin by being laid off for three months."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"That's classic J.R. . . .a little bit business, a little bit whimsy."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

Sat-Navvy

'You're both equally qualified for the position, so we're deciding it this way.'

I've seen your salary requirements, now I'll tell you your market price.

Big Impression

"Leave your personality and hope for the future next door and collect your ID from reception."

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"So, you've been working on the railroad all the live long day. Any other recent experience?"

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"I need a sounding board, Mr. Wiley. Could you be that?"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Where your mind & battle are los

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

Butterfly Woman