Job Applications Gifts

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

'About this reference of yours, he worked for me for sixteen years, and when he left I was very satisfied.'

'If you must know, I'm applying to become a hamster!'

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

"You may be over qualified."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I've had some replies to those job applications I sent off.'

"The deciding factor that got us to hire you above all the others was the 20% off coupon you added to your resume."

"Before I answer those questions - just what do your diversity requirements need in the way of race and gender?"

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

"You list as an honor, a suspended sentence, and your parole as an award?"

"Are there any openings in the labor department?"

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'I'm applying to work for the NSA. Do you think they'll check my references? '

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Are you handy?'

'Well, I am only human!' (Human Resources)

'I'm looking at your resume at this moment and it shows great potential.'

"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Believe me, mister... I'm an old hand in capital procurement!'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"