Job Application Enthusiast Gifts

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I know they're both World reknowned scientists, but your application with references from both your mum and your grandma is highly amusing...'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

The Three Wise Queens

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"