Job Application Enthusiast Gifts

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I know they're both World reknowned scientists, but your application with references from both your mum and your grandma is highly amusing...'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

The Three Wise Queens

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."