Job Seeking Enthusiast Gifts

'According to your resume, you graduated Grad school.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

The Three Wise Queens

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

Resume Dumpers

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

Now hiring.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"I know you're the quote, 'company's envelope orderer', but change the acronym."

'I received matching offers.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'