Job Hunt Aficionado Gifts

'We'll break right here for coffee and update our resumes.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

The Three Wise Queens

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Resume Dumpers

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

Now hiring.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

"I know you're the quote, 'company's envelope orderer', but change the acronym."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'I received matching offers.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

'What went particularly well?'

'OK, Mr Henman, apart from hitting balls into a net what oher skills do you have?'

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

"Tell us something we don't know."

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.