Job Application Aficionado Gifts

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'

"A.B.H., G.B.H., assault and battery. WEll, you appear to have all the required credentials for the position."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

The Three Wise Queens

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Resume Dumpers

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

Now hiring.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'I received matching offers.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'