Job Application Aficionado T-Shirts

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'

"A.B.H., G.B.H., assault and battery. WEll, you appear to have all the required credentials for the position."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

The Three Wise Queens

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I received matching offers.'

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

'What went particularly well?'