Resume Aficionado Gifts

'How could you have thirty years of experience when you're only twenty?'

'Say, that's a mighty impressive resume. Mind if I borrow it for a few minutes?'

'It links to a résumé on my website.'

"We already have our resumé."

'Guilty? But I just hired an expensive personnel firm to update my resume.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Beer Stall

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

Driverless cars rage.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"What did you download at school today?"

Happy thoughts

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Bot Art: After da Vinci

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."