Resume Enthusiast Gifts

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Well, this is a reassuring note, Mr. Bonwell: 'No dolphins were killed in the preparation of this résumé.' "

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'What is this copyright notice, from OnlineResumesForYou, doing at the bottom of your resume?'

'We were very impressed by your resume. Especially the part where you mention that your grandfather is our CEO.'

'Tell me, Mr Tolteck, have you applied for the headhunter or the key account manager position?'

'Thought I'd run off a couple of resum?s while the boss is out.'

'Do you have any job references that aren't imaginary?'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

NOW HIRING GURUS, 'I brought a resume for each reincarnation.'

'I've applied for DOZENS of jobs!'

"I never really needed obedience school, … It was more of an obedience seminar."

'I notice in your resume that you said, and I quote, 'I pay attention to details'.'

"This is juicy - tell me more!"

'Well Mr Smith, what makes you think you'd be a fit for this firm?'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'I got a job honey. I was hired by a guy I met on the unemployment line, to distribute his resumes along with my own, when I go for job interviews.'

'Your record of community service is impressive. Too bad it's all court ordered.'

'Impressive resume, Davy. How soon can you start?'

"In a moment of weakness, I e-mailed my resume to 20 employers."

"Your resume, under 'experience' states that you once owned a piggy bank. Tell me about that."

"Regarding this hobby of yours...'Stuntman'..."

'I'm hiring a football equipment manager to add some padding to my résumé.'

Job Hunting.

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3,4,6 and 8."

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

'Impressive resume, but frankly, in your line of work, people just want to check your teeth...'

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

"I'm sorry, but all candidates for our entry level positions must have experience."

"You say in your resume that you are very meticulous..."

"Hell and back. Very impressive."

"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."

"This is a very impressive resumé. We would certainly hire you if we hadn't gone out of business yesterday."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."