Recruitment Aficionado Gifts

"It works best if you're willing to suspend reality."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

Resume Dumpers

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"I'll tell you what he's got that we haven't - a bigger leaf!"

'He's really very busy but you can wait.'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"Legs up to here!"

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

'OK, Mr Henman, apart from hitting balls into a net what oher skills do you have?'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

Man Flap

"And my approval rating is sixty-two."

'Guilty? But I just hired an expensive personnel firm to update my resume.'

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

'If at first you don't succeed...appeal to a higher court.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'I won't rule out using sex as a weapon, but I do have a 'no first use' policy.'

"Do you have any questions apart from 'where did I get my jazzy tie'?"

'Hmm... He is remarkably dumb! He would be perfect for our new test-marketing position!'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"She was my secretary before we got married, now she's the treasurer."

101 Positions/101 Excuses

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

"I'm afraid we don't have anyone to help you at the moment, but once our advertising and recruitment programme is finished we should have someone to see you in 8 years or so..."

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

'This is the mail room, they're a little short of staff sometimes.'

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'