Hiring Enthusiast Gifts

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'These are job perks.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

Resume Dumpers

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Now hiring.

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'Staff Recommendations Inc.'

'I received matching offers.'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'