Job Hunting Aficionado Gifts

"This is a wonderful CV Mrs. Wilson!"

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

The Three Wise Queens

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Resume Dumpers

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Now hiring.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"I know you're the quote, 'company's envelope orderer', but change the acronym."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'I received matching offers.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"