Job Application Aficionados Gifts

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

Resume Dumpers

'I'm looking at your resume at this moment and it shows great potential.'

The Three Wise Queens

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Now hiring.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'I received matching offers.'

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...