Job Hunt Enthusiast Gifts

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Good morning Mr. Jason. Apparently you're the only applicant to show up for the interview.'

'Strangest interview I've ever been on. To see if I was a team player, he asked me to spot him a twenty.'

'You seem qualified. Now I just need to ask you some really embarrassing questions about your private life.'

"What can you do that my smartphone can't?"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

Now hiring.

Lying on your CV

'I like you, Zog, what you lack in polish, you more than compensate for in clout.'

Will Work For Food - "Career day is no picnic for me either."

Avoid going into any interview with too many expectations.

'Put your resume in the warhead and you're all set.'

"We've pulled your resume out of the cold case file."

Job Fair!

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

The Three Wise Queens

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Good Luck!

How are you at decision making?

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"