Job Hopping Enthusiast Gifts

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

The Three Wise Queens

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Let's honor this young future farmer - he's ready to endure hard labor, long hours and outrageously low farm prices..."

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

Now hiring.

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'I'm hereby giving my two week notice and taking my last two weeks of vacation. I could use a positive reference. Thanks.'

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

"Tell us something we don't know."

"I see by your resume, you don't stay in one place long."

'He made me jump through hoops, but I got the job...'

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"I'm leaving my job so that I can spend time with another job."

'When I grow up I', going to be an electrical engineer and when I'm laid off, I'm going to go into real estate and when that goes down the tube, I'm going to go into . . . '

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"I'll be right back. If you need anything, just holler."

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'