Job Swap Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm thinking of training as a teacher.' 'I'm thinking of training as a plumber.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

Now hiring.

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'I'm hereby giving my two week notice and taking my last two weeks of vacation. I could use a positive reference. Thanks.'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'And when I was fifteen, I ran away from the circus to join an accounting firm.'

"I see by your resume, you don't stay in one place long."

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."

Employment Office. I see by your resume that you don't stay in one place very long.

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

Lying on your CV

'I'll swap you my Wimbledon freebies for your Anodised pan set!'

'Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!'

'If anybody else asks me if they can transfer to the England cricket team, they're fired!'

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

'I lost my job at the farm, so I decided to try out nit-picking as a career...'

'I like you, Zog, what you lack in polish, you more than compensate for in clout.'

"Hi. I'm the babysitter, formerly with Action Data Systems."

'You seem qualified. Now I just need to ask you some really embarrassing questions about your private life.'

'Realistically, retirement planning means upgrading your skills and attending a seminar on resume preparation.'

'Degree in Psychology and a former Referee. I think your qualified to be a School Bus Driver.'

'At first if you don't succeed, try management.'

'Strangest interview I've ever been on. To see if I was a team player, he asked me to spot him a twenty.'

'Good morning Mr. Jason. Apparently you're the only applicant to show up for the interview.'

"Just remember, we switch back before we get to town."