Job Hopper Enthusiast Gifts

"I see by your resume, you don't stay in one place long."

Employment Office. I see by your resume that you don't stay in one place very long.

'Do you think you could handle a wide variety of work?' - 'Yes I've had 9 jobs in the last two years '

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Say, you were right, Sheriff, this is the best way to keep up with the 'Space-Hopper Gang'."

"Loves it, just can't get the little fellow off it"

"Let's honor this young future farmer - he's ready to endure hard labor, long hours and outrageously low farm prices..."

Now hiring.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

'He made me jump through hoops, but I got the job...'

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

Personnel. What do I call those gaps in my work history? Quality time.

Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"I'm leaving my job so that I can spend time with another job."

'When I grow up I', going to be an electrical engineer and when I'm laid off, I'm going to go into real estate and when that goes down the tube, I'm going to go into . . . '

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"I'll be right back. If you need anything, just holler."