Job Hopper Humor Gifts

In the off season I do temp work.

"Can you handle a variety of jobs?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"What's your occupation?"

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

"Let's honor this young future farmer - he's ready to endure hard labor, long hours and outrageously low farm prices..."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

'I'm afraid he's a bit tied up right now'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

'He made me jump through hoops, but I got the job...'

"I see by your resume, you don't stay in one place long."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

"I'm leaving my job so that I can spend time with another job."

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'

'When I grow up I', going to be an electrical engineer and when I'm laid off, I'm going to go into real estate and when that goes down the tube, I'm going to go into . . . '

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"I'll be right back. If you need anything, just holler."

"I like my job because I can afford better psychotropic drugs than my colleagues!"

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Chasing, digging, rolling, fetching. . . have you no experience doing absolutely nothing at all?"

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

Employment Office. I see by your resume that you don't stay in one place very long.

Will work for question marks.

Creature Plumbing

"You're late for your interview, Dawson – I like that."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.