Applying For Jobs Gifts

'We will need a standard resume in addition to this beautiful needlepoint recommendation from your mother.'

"This is incredible! I thought Amelia Earhart was dead."

'Hey, lady...this application wants me to PRINT my name but OBVIOUSLY I don't carry my PRINTER with me!'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Good Luck!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

How are you at decision making?

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'