Jailhouse Sommelier Gifts

'I call it 'Cellblock Shiraz'. Don't be intimidated by the bouquet.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Wine-tasting Tour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"You've got a dinner invitation."

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

Hey, Pluto, I'm not responsible for what a bunch of astronomers come up with!

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

Prison Paintings

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

"I froze all your pastry dough."

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

I don

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"I found your contact lens."