Jailhouse Sommelier Pillows

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Wine-tasting Tour.

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

"You've got a dinner invitation."

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

Prison Paintings

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'