Jailhouse Gourmand Pillows

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It's for you.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'